4:30 P.M.: I have to know. I have to know if what I’m hearing is true. I can’t believe what started out as a group of guru himmies has turned to this, I am disgusted and embarrassed that they actually considered themselves hippies at one time. Murdering innocent people for the sake of the world? What is going on? That is the total opposite of everything beatniks or hippies stand for. How can he not see that? It is impossible for me to believe that people who had the same, or at one time, similar thoughts as me could completely twist everything and take it to this extent. I need to know if what I’m hearing on the street is true.
6:00 P.M.: I know one of the Family members, Linda Kasabian, I met her at a library once. She only joined “The Family” to please her boy friend, which is just completely screwed, man. She had no shame about admitting her connection to “The Family,” probably because they’re all so convinced they’ll get away with it, and she has believed in my façade so far and believes that I am actually interested in talking to that psychopath, which, don’t get me wrong, is good for my plan, but the concept of actually doing it makes me cringe. Anyway I have gained her trust pretty easily so far and she told me of a “mission” that they have been assigned for tonight. Another murder, surprised? It will take place at an apartment of another of their acquaintances.
11:30 P.M.: It’s 11:30 P.M., and I can’t believe I am actually doing this! I feel like I am about to wet myself or faint, I can not believe I am actually doing this! But I need to know! What is wrong with these people? What is in their heads? I am walking, as calmly as humanly possible for me right now, to the location Linda gave me. The “deed” is supposed to happen around 12:00-12:30 A.M. She says this is my test, as it is also their test. They have not taken part in the last “mission” with what I believe to be the Tate fiasco and that upset “Charlie” and now they’re being tested. And I am also being tested because they want to know if my allegiance to “The Family” is true! Like, get out of here man! I just want to know why they’re doing this, if this really is the group that doing this stuff, and once I find that out, I am not sticking around for anything else, especially not actually taking part in the murder, man!
12:00 A.M.: I have reached the apartment building Linda told me to meet them at, but I’m guessing they’re already inside because they’re no one, absolutely, no one out here. There is an ally way on the side of the apartment building with a door that looks slightly ajar. Suddenly, out of the shadows pops a pair of eyes. Female eyes, unfamiliar, female eyes, hollow, sunken in, practically black, unfamiliar, female eyes. But they’re staring right at me, which this indefinable expression behind them. Then the person holds a hand to their face and motions with their index finger for me to go to them. And for some reason I do. My heart is pounding in my throat now, and the fear is literally making it hard to breathe! Why am I here? Oh, why am I here? Why would I get myself mixed up in this?
Because I need to know! I need to know that they are not like me! At all! And if this is the group that’s doing these heinous acts, then the authorities need to know! These people belong behind bars!
So on I go, toward the pair of eyes. There’s the woman, a woman I have never seen before with a tiny frame, as if she has eaten in weeks, and shoulder length dark hair, and the aforementioned eyes. She in wearing a lavender colored velvet button-up dress and black Mary Jane’s. She leads me up a staircase to a landing where Linda is waiting outside an apartment door. Linda is pacing, and looks as nervous as I feel. I hope I do not look as nervous as her; I don’t want them to see through me yet. And then they thought comes to me; How, in John Lennon’s sweet name, am I going to get out here when things start happening? There’s no way I’m killing anyone, man, but there’s also no way they’re just going to let me leave. Why would I get myself mixed up in this?!
Just when I think I take this deafening silence and nervous tension any longer, that I rather take my chances jumping out the window, or running full speed down the stairs and hoping to the Messiah they won’t catch me, Linda knocks on the door and three of us wait soundlessly. The wait feels like an eternity, but finally someone comes. And apparently it is not the person they were looking for. Linda looks incredibly surprised, but almost a little too surprised, almost coming off as fake, but of course, that can’t be true. And the other woman just looks enraged.
“Sorry, wrong house,” she says to the stranger in an attempt at a pleasant voice, which just makes her even creepier, a feat I didn’t think was possible.
The stranger smiles awkwardly and shuts his door. The three of us turn and retreat. Just as we’re are about to walk out the side door in which we came, the other woman stops. She swats down over a stair, pulls her white under pants down to her ankles, and takes a dump right on the stair case. Way too far out, man! What is she tripping on?
“Susan, what are you doing?” Linda asked as the two of us watched her in disbelief.
“Well we have to do something! We can’t return to Charlie with nothing. And after all it is your fault that you f****ed up the mission! I know you did this on purpose Linda, but I won’t tell Charlie, you are, after all, family. But you,” she said turning her cold stare onto me. “You are not a true Family member, nor do you have any intent or want to be, I can read it in your eyes. And I refuse to bring you to Charlie. It would just be an insult to him, to bring one who mocks and does not understand our views to our home. So leave now and never, ever try to contact any of us again. Nor should you tell anyone of what you hear or saw tonight, because they’ll never catch us all. Know that.”
And with no further adieu I turned and ran away from that terrifying scene.